JesseCapelli.com

[Roy_G_Biv]

John loved the circus. He always did, ever since he was an infant and his parents took him for the first time. He planned his whole year looking forward to the arrival of the circus, the way children do with Christmas or nerds do for Comic Con. Every year he was first in line to buy a ticket, even if he had to camp out for it, and would always get the best seat right in front and center. He painted his room red and white, with posters of trapeze artists and tightrope walkers and lion tamers all over and shelves lines with souvenirs and a ceramic clown collection. He even met his girlfriend, Beth, at the circus.

[Roy_G_Biv]

It was love at first sight. She had curly red hair and powdery white skin (his petname for her was his little clown). A year after they met, John decided he would propose to Beth, but it had to be at the right place: The circus. So, like always, John camped out for a week to be first in line to get tickets. Noone else stayed even one night, so it was really a symbolic gesture, but one he was happy to make. He sent a letter off to his grandmother, and got her engagement ring to propose with. Before he knew it, the circus was in town and he was sitting right up front with his little clown, fingering the ring in his jacket pocket waiting for just the right moment. Suddenly, the tent went dark and a spotlight focused on the center ring, illuminating the ringmaster as the circus began.

[Roy_G_Biv]

It was the best show yet! First came out the acrobats who made all kinds of shapes by stacking on top of one another. People swung through the air on bars, danced on tightropes, and flew out of cannons. Then the animal tamers came out, riding on lions and tigers. They had tamed a mouse to stand on the back of a cat who stood on the back of a dog who stood on the back of a lion who stood on the back of an elephant! After the animals and acrobats cleared the tent, a little, tiny yellow spotted car, followed by a lone spotlight, scooted out around the rings sputting to a stop in the middle. suddenly, with a blair of trumpets, the lights came on and the car doors swung open as dozens of clowns flooded out!

[Roy_G_Biv]

There were short clowns, tall clowns. Happy clowns, sad clowns. gruff clowns and whacky clowns, he-clowns, she-clowns, magic clowns, mime clowns, ventriloquist clowns. Every kind of clown you can think of, and a few you can’t. They ran up into the stands, entertaining the audience members with their antics. The last clown to come out of the car, though, was NOT a nice clown. He was an angry, surly clown. He had been drinking the night before, and all the bright lights and noise was just making his hangover worse. Mr. Angry-clown looked out over the audience, and his gaze fell upon our hero John, looking lovingly at his girlfriend who was laughing at a clown making a balloon animal. For one reason or another, this mean clown decided to ruin John’s day.

[Roy_G_Biv]

He made a motion to the light operator that he was about to do a bit. The music stopped, the audience went silent, and the lights went black save for a lone spotlight that followed the mean clown from the car over to John and Beth. John, of course, couldn’t be happier! He was being used in a bit! And what better time to propose to his beloved? After the clown made his joke, of course… The clown tapped a mic, held it between them, and asked…

“Excuse me sir! Are you a horses head?”

With a big grin, john leaned into the mic and said.

“No...Im not a horses head”

“Well then, sir…” asked the clown “Are you a horses leg?”

“No, I’m not a horses leg either” responded John.

“So then” the clown said “You must be a horses ASS!”

[Roy_G_Biv]

Everyone laughed. The audience laughed. The clowns laughed, Beth laughed… at John. He was devastated. The circus had… betrayed him! He couldn’t stand it any longer. He grabbed beth by the arm and they left. They rode back to town without saying a word. Just an occasional snicker from beth. He dropped her off at her house, and sped home. as soon as he entered the door he was tearing the posters off his wall, throwing souvenirs in the garbage, and smashing his ceramic clown collection. He tore down his red and white curtains, tacked up some black garbage bags over the windows, and crawled into bed..

[Roy_G_Biv]

He didn’t go to work or class, ignored the phone, and let the mail pile up. He didn’t shave or bathe or work out. or clean up. Nothing and noone could shake him out of his depression. Then, as he lay in bed in bed in the wee hours of the morning, flipping between infomercials, he found the answer to his problem.

“Are you sad?” the TV asked. “Do you feel lost? Lonely? Do you feel as though your inner child was abandoned?”

John was expecting the TV to hawk him some anti-depressants, or an exercise machine. There was no way he could have expected what would come next.

“You need to go to… CLOWN COLLEGE!”

That was it! He had to fight fire with fire.

[Roy_G_Biv]

The next day John had packed his bags and was on his way. He drove for three days and nights before arriving on campus. Enrolling was surprisingly easy, but expensive. He had to cash in his life savings to pay for it. But it would all be worth it in the end when he used the clown’s own tricks against him. For five years John studied the way of the clown. The right clothes to wear, the right face paint to apply. How to throw a pie and take one to the face, the right way to squirt a bottle of seltzer. The secrets of mimicry, slapstick, timing. how to do card tricks. How to slip on a banana peel. How to make balloon animals. How to fit in a car with twenty other people. And finally, after half a decade of hard work, he graduated, and returned home to put his plan into action.

[Roy_G_Biv]

Home had changed a lot while he was away. Stores and closed and opened, a nice family had moved into his old house, and Beth fell in love with another man and was now married with a kid. John moved into a trailer park on the edge of town and patiently waited months for the circus to come back. Like he used to, he was first in line to buy a ticket. But this time it wasn’t out of joy and eager anticipation. It was out of spite. Before he knew it, he was up front and center watching his once beloved circus.

[Roy_G_Biv]

The acrobats and animals gave their usual wonderful performance, but though the crowd found it amusing, there was no love in it for John. Finally, the tiny yellow spotted car sputtered into the arena, and the dozens of clowns poured out into the audience. And last to leave the car was the clown that had destroyed Johns life. He was hungover once again, looking out over the audience for someone to screw with when is gaze fell upon John.

[Roy_G_Biv]

“That idiot’s back for more?” the clown said. “Well, trick him twice, shame on him”

The clown motioned for the spotlight, and the tent went dark as he walked across the ring to John’s seat, illuminated by a single beam of light like he did those years before. He held up the microphone and asked:

“Excuse me, sir, are you a horse’s head?”

“no.” said john with a stone cold gaze. “I am not a horse’s head”

“Well then,” responded the clown with a nervous bead of sweat on his forhead from John’s intense stare. “are you a horses leg?”

“No. I am not a horses leg” said John. This was it. Five years of planing and practice was about to pay off.

“Well then, sir, you must be a horses ASS!”

at this, John grabbed the microphone and spoke, his words ringing out over the crowd. He said…

[Roy_G_Biv]

"FUCK YOU, CLOWN!"

[JohnnyPsycho]

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Johnny's Fanfics (including Sureshot! A Bon Bon Tale)

Johnny's backstory
Johnny, Mark II (Project Aten character)

[Ashton Gray]

No offense, Roy, but that was absolutely terrible.
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Silentium est aurum

[JohnnyPsycho]

Oh, I get it... but it's like the "Aristocrats" joke, the punchline's always a let-down.
_________________
Johnny's Fanfics (including Sureshot! A Bon Bon Tale)

Johnny's backstory
Johnny, Mark II (Project Aten character)

[Roy_G_Biv]

Naw. The Aristocrats is about cramming as much filthy, disgusting, offensive material into the joke as you can. The Clown Joke, on the other hand, is about creating the most suspenseful buildup possible only to deliver the most anticlimactic punchline you can. One is about shocking the audience, the other is about annoying them.

[JohnnyPsycho]

In other words, it's a "Shaggy Dog Story"
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShaggyDogStory
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Johnny's Fanfics (including Sureshot! A Bon Bon Tale)

Johnny's backstory
Johnny, Mark II (Project Aten character)

[Roy_G_Biv]

Exactly! But you should know better than to link to TVtropes. http://www.xkcd.com/609/

[JohnnyPsycho]

Hahaha... so true.
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Johnny's Fanfics (including Sureshot! A Bon Bon Tale)

Johnny's backstory
Johnny, Mark II (Project Aten character)

[guitarhero322]

well that was indeed soap in my coffee lol

[relentless]

its somehow funny in its anti-climacticness just the image of this guy who had this big 5 year revenge plan for which he had more or less thrown away his life stand up and and that was the best he could do i mean surely any normal person would have laughed it off in the first place or even just punched the bastard in the face
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wondering where the jackal came from: http://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=7940 updates here or there